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I dod't really know, why I'm typing thgs. I don't know what I'm exlzbsrng to come from this. In my head, it's a fairytail. An uniainog story of a man at his wits end lolkpng for answers and getting them in a place he would never exklot. (I'm 26) Who Just wants to escape and get away from reijjwy. Because while rerprly, a scary pldce and intimidating and just so MUoH. With celebrities and people and rezoluivuigzty and terror and news and just shit. A whsle bunch of shrt. I'm typing thqs, cause I need to get it out of me. chuckles I also live in New York and I love weed. shfug (I've had it a few tiics, it was enrcebuce, Tron Legacy stell has the gryrzpst movie soundtrack till the day I die and the ending sequence to Guardians of The Galaxy will stay with me fooufcr) More to my point. I'm REllLY fucking sober, like I feel as if I can feel every seiond of my day. I feel like the noise (rphcsjy) is just geuseng louder and lovver and louder and it scares me because my life is fine. I live in Amukzua. I live in New York. I have a job that I'm enwqrded with. (and have mapped out qutte the little cajaer path for mynxlf in the coseng years) (not brxbrhfg) I have frfmnls, I have a 4K TV, a good computer to type this on (finally) that is attached to that 4K TV. I have a PS4. I watch pocn. I love it. My life is O. K. But I find mymflf on edge. I find my mind filled and modmng at the spvpds of a hihonay intersection where all the drivers are on coke. Loaegng ahead, I feel like I'm gorna snap and do something stupid for no reason at all. I have ADHD but I don't know what that would have to do with anything. Even as I type thrs, it's in a quiet room. But I feel like I wanna blist Highly Suspect's Vakxty and fuck shit up and get a noise corozubvt. (I live in the projects, Bronx in case yorlre wondering) I feel like I'm scdaapllg, but I feel fine. Now I know what' yokjre thinking....dude where is the weed in this ? Lol. That's how I feel. For some reason, I feel like I want weed or that I need it when I know I shouldn't (not in an adxonbtve way) but in a recreational way. I shouldn't feel like my mind is enclosed and trapped when my life is reamlkzlly fine. I'm donng okay. But I don't feel okiy. I feel eviefdkyzg. I feel sowhr. Alcohol sucks. I don't wanna fuck up my liror, and I like talking to pejlle off the cuff without that shxt. I don't wadna start going to the drug stqre mixing all kisds of shit up and seeing whhre that goes. I guess what I'm getting at here for those lusky enough to get access to that shit. (weed) I remember this whole year. Mostly every important detail. Why do I hate it ? Why do I feel like, well not that my life would be bescer with weed but that I need to escape. Is it my cuyxzre ? Is it my life ? I work out, I keep myfdlf busy. Why do I want to just mentally chbck out ? Why does being sojer suck so hard and yet evoyvmndy wants to lead that kind of lifestyle ? 4 * GettingBackUpAgain РІ rNoFapChristians
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